A Mother's Love: Strength in the Struggle
Introduction
A mother’s love transcends physical, political, and social boundaries as she sacrifices all she knows in hopes of creating a better life for her children and grandchildren. I have always admired the maternal figures in my life: both my mom and my Lola. They have demonstrated to me what it means to be a strong, courageous, generous, and kind woman time and time again, so when I was tasked with this assignment, I immediately knew that I wanted to write about the story of our family and the life we have built here in the United States by interviewing my mom. There is some Tagalog, the primary language of the Philippines, we use throughout the interview that demands clarification: Lola means grandmother and Lolo means grandfather. Family is a foundational value within Filipino culture, and it is customary amongst Filipinos to greet and refer to their elders as Lolo and Lola, Tito and Tita (uncle and aunt), or Kuya and Ate (older brother or older sister) even if you are not blood-related in order to demonstrate respect. Since I am only half Filipina, I am considered to be mestiza (mixed), but regardless, it fills me with immense pride to call myself Filipino and have the opportunity to tell the story of my family’s immigration. My mother and her family immigrated to the United States when she was only 4 years old; she tells me often how she does not remember much of her life in the Philippines, and that most of what she does know has been passed down to her through stories. My mother requested not to have her full name used in this interview, so she will be referred to as MAU.
Life in the Philippines
MAU was born in Cavite City, a small town south of Manila, on June 27th, 1965 as the first child of Reynaldo (my Lolo) and Bella (my Lola) Annet. My mom often tells me she does not remember many specific instances about her life in the Philippines as she was too young, but it is important to identify the factors that pushed my family towards immigration to the United States. MAU recalls that Lolo was the first of five children and his family relied upon the local fishing industry growing up to earn income and feed themselves. When I was a child, Lolo would tell me stories of how he had to climb trees to gather fruit on days when they had nothing to eat at home, and he consistently reminded me to be grateful to have such easy access to food. My Lola was born in a neighboring town to a more financially stable family; her parents ran a local convenience store in the front of their home, and owned multiple rice fields that provided for their seven children. MAU revealed to me that my grandparents met through an arrangement between their parents. At the time, my Lola was dating another man who was studying to be a doctor; however, the caliber and prestige of the healthcare system in the Philippines does not compare to that of the United States, so my great grandfather believed that marrying my Lolo who was enlisting in the Navy would provide better opportunities for her. MAU explains that Lola was hesitant to love Lolo at first, but it is something she learned to do for her betterment and survival. My mom describes Lola to be an immensely brave woman for mustering the courage to abandon the comforts of her known life to start anew with seemingly a stranger.
Throughout the mid 20th century, there had been high political and economic tensions, which, alongside personal hardship in Lolo’s life, influenced my family to leave the Philippines. MAU does not remember much about the sociopolitical conflict in the Filipino government at this time as she was too young to fully understand the complexity of the situation, however, she does recalls one instance on a trip to visit the Philippines at 15 years old that she went with her Tio Delio to his friends house who were well established in the military. Here in the home, she remembers seeing guns tucked away behind the front door, prompting her to be on her best behavior and remain quiet unless spoken to. Gender roles are an active component of Filipino culture, and young women especially are expected to be “demure” and “subservient” both in public and in the home, when men must emulate traits regarded as masculine such as strength, fearlessness, and leadership.
MAU expressed certain grievances throughout the interview towards the influence of traditional Filipino culture on her childhood as my Lolo was a highly conservative man that adhered to strict gender roles. She was considered to be rebellious starting at a young age because she did not resonate with these beliefs that socially restricted her. It was hard to grasp how her brother was favored in certain situations despite the fact that she is the oldest sibling, like when Uncle Rod was allowed to play baseball but my mom was barred from playing sports because it was not feminine. She goes on to explain how her younger sister, Liz, was spared of this harsh treatment because she had always taken on a more tomboyish nature and naturally excelled at sports; Liz played field hockey at Kempsville High School and went on to play at Longwood University on a scholarship. I sympathize with my mom when hearing these stories of comparison because I recognize her frustration of having your aspirations taken far out of reach. In college as she was able to develop more independence, my mom began playing volleyball recreationally and competitively, which she loved up until she started a family of her own. As a result of this treatment she has experienced, my mom tirelessly pushes me to be a strong, independent woman who is not mentally or financially reliant upon a man, much like she has built herself up to be.
Migration
When I asked my mom about how she felt about moving, she exclaimed that she “cried and cried” when she had to leave behind her grandparents because she did not have a choice or opinion in the matter being so young, but she appears to be appreciative of where she is now. In 1969, my family immigrated to the United States not long after Lolo enlisted in the Navy. Originally settling in the Los Angeles area, Lolo and Lola were in their young 30s, my mom was four years old, her younger brother, my Uncle Rod, was three years old, and my Aunt Liz, her younger sister, was only a year old. Being connected to the US military, my family was granted a simplified path to naturalization through the Naturalization Armed Forces Act of 1964, an act that grants foreign-born military members a path to US citizenship through one year of service and demonstration of good moral standing. Soldiers who are dishonorably discharged are not eligible for citizenship under this law. There is no limitation on English-speaking ability as conversational English is a requirement of military enlistment, or on country of origin. This act was passed to promote the idea that if an individual was willing to lay their life down for the United States, then they were then deemed worthy of its membership. Through military service, these individuals have demonstrated loyalty to the United States, good moral standing, and a basic comprehension of US History. I have asked my mom outside of this interview what she remembers about the process of naturalization, but she felt that her perspective was limited as she was still a child at the time of her naturalization, and she did not fully understand the extent of what it means to be an American citizen, but that is something her parents had worked hard to achieve.
I asked my mom if she had ever taken a trip to return to the motherland, and she replies that she has been back twice: once at 15 years old on a trip with her uncle to primarily visit family, and once again to buy a Filipino wedding dress in her early 20s (not for her marriage to my father). I had not been aware of my mother’s first marriage for quite some time while I was a child, but they were divorced not long after so my mother decided not to keep the dress. I inquired with MAU if the dress was made in the style of a traditional Filipina wedding gown (PICTURED), and she replied that it was not, it came from a catalog and the seamstresses did their best to recreate it. I search for these connections to my mother’s culture in every possible nook and cranny that I can, because I fear that it may fade away over the generations if we are not actively continuing such customs. It has always been a dream of mine to visit the Philippines and experience the food and culture that lies in the land of my family, but I would only be able to go with my family because they have a strong understanding of Tagalog. Many Filipinos speak English, but not everyone so I would rely heavily on my family whilst there.
Integration
MAU reports that when she first arrived in the United States, her family had stayed with her uncle, my Lolo Delio, while Lolo was stationed in Southern California. This is a prime example of the migrant social network discussed in class at work, as those who are already established in the new country support newer immigrants that they were close to who are looking to settle roots down. My family continued to utilize their connections in this network when they were relocated to Chicago, and we were able to secure a place to live through a family-friend. I specifically asked my mom to disclose if we were related to this family, because as mentioned in the introduction, Filipinos place a large emphasis on respecting one another like relatives, so it is common to refer to friends of your parents, or other adults as your aunt or uncle, even though there is no blood relation. The spirit of community and family does not dwindle throughout the lifespan in Filipino culture, to this day, my Lola splits time living at my house and my aunt’s house so that we may care for her in her old age. Lola has given so much to provide and care for my family, and now it is our turn to do the same for her; even grandchildren are expected to contribute. This cyclical nature of care throughout each stage of life is an expectation amongst Filipinos that is rooted in more communalistic attitudes held within our culture. My family eventually settled down in the Virginia Beach region in the early 70s, leading my mom to grow up in a diverse, vibrant community.
Staying Connected to Your Roots
During the interview, my mom described to me that she did not know English prior to attending school in the United States. She states that her parents only spoke Tagalog in the home, and she learned conversational English skills playing with other American children whilst living in naval housing. MAU did not start learning English formally until she started elementary school, but she claims that it was not difficult for her to learn the language in comparison to her mother, who struggled to master English in her early years in the United States. She shares that Lola would use picture books to learn and identify the names of animals in English, but struggled to integrate the English language at times as many of the people in her social circle still used Tagalog amongst one another in the United States. I shared with my mom that from a psychological perspective, children have a better neurological capacity to learn a new language compared to adults because their brain is still in its early stages of development, hence why she has a stronger mastery of the English language over her mother. For Filipinos and other immigrant populations, utilizing the home language is one way to stay connected to your culture and keep traditions alive while away from the Motherland.
Food and Family
Another way that immigrant families maintain their connection to their culture of origin is through food, which MAU claims was a primary motivator for the choices and behaviors of her father. In his free time, Lolo loved gardening and fishing as it greatly satisfied him to reap the benefits of his harvest and share that with his family. It brought Lolo great pride to be able to provide for his family because, as my mom shared, he did not come from a wealthy family nor have many material possessions growing up. I can recall countless instances of my entire extended family going out to eat for a special occasion, and my grandparents have never hesitated to pay the bill themselves or spoil their grandchildren with their heart’s desires. In her closing remarks of this interview, my mom describes the belief that many immigrant parents hold in regards to their kin: “you want your children to do better than you have done.” This was terribly bittersweet to hear as part of the second generation as I see how my mother continues to make sacrifices for my benefit even if she had not had those same opportunities herself such as driving me to school, picking me up from field hockey practice, or helping me get involved in extracurricular activities. MAU recognizes the value in the sacrifices that her parents made in order to move our family across the world, and has taken it upon herself to aspire for more for her own children through education, hard work, and perseverance. As a daughter, this is more than I could ever ask for from my parents, and I hope to one day return the favor to them tenfold.
Contexts of Reception – Education
MAU was the first member of my family to attend college; she attended Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia as a commuter student, originally entering as a General Studies major because she did not know which academic route to pursue. Since no one in our family had sought higher education in the United States up until this point, it was difficult for her to understand the application process, financing, and other aspects of college that are learned more in depth through personal experience. I was surprised to learn that my mom struggled to hone her math skills because I have always known her to be incredibly smart and quick-witted, and strong math skills are required in finance and accounting. She reports that her biggest challenge in college was time management as she was both a full time student and working to pay her tuition while still living at home with her parents and 2 younger siblings. At this time, she was involved in a work study program and at the Muscular Dystrophy Association, which I did not previously know about as well.
My mom worked extensively to establish herself in an unfamiliar environment, driven by her desire to attain more in life. She expresses that she did not have the highest GPA possible, graduating college “by the skin of her teeth,” but she did her best with the circumstances she had. Although she is grateful to have received an education, I know that my mother is disappointed that she could not move away for university like she had wanted at my age; however, this resonated deeply with me as I recognize that she has done so much to provide the opportunity for me to attend a 4 year institution. As long as I can remember, my parents have eagerly pushed for me to attend college; it was essentially never not in the question for me to earn my bachelor’s degree because they have made it financially and tangibly possible for me to do so, and to say that I am grateful for this would be a drastic understatement. This is the impact of the succession of integration at work through my family!
Contexts of Reception – Workplace Integration
MAU currently works for a private government contracting firm as a finance analyst, and has been working for this company for over 10 years. After graduating from ODU, my mom was able to find a job in the government contracting realm while working for a temp agency. Both in and out of this interview, MAU explained to me that she was motivated to study finance due to job security and reliability. She claims that she had always known that she wanted to go into business, but was not sure of which road to take at first as management felt too general, and marketing was too frivolous and deceitful for her liking. The prestige and stability of my mother’s career in comparison to previous generations of our family who were rice farmers and fishermen is a tangible example of how the impact of immigration succeeds over generations. Since MAU moved here as a young child, she was able to immerse into American culture while still maintaining a strong connection to her Filipino heritage through her parents and the local community, setting her up to experience generally positive contexts of reception in the US. Throughout her life, my mom has demonstrated relentless determination to reach her goals despite potential adversities.
Conclusion
I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to interview my mom and share more about the life I feel immensely privileged to live as a result of what she has built for us. Even more so, I am beyond grateful for my mom and the unwavering support she has given to me throughout my life, and especially throughout my time in college. As I grow older and have kids of my own, I hope to pass on the same lessons that my mother has taught to me about resilience and trusting in the power within yourself. Learning more about the social component of immigration throughout this semester was meaningful to me because I was able to connect many of the topics back to my own life and their prevalence. The United States is a nation established by immigrants, and my mother’s story embodies the pursuit of the American dream at work.
[00:00:00] Hello, my name is Kelsey Utter and today I will be interviewing my mom for this project. She’s going to share a little bit about her life and our family. Mom, if you wouldn’t mind introducing yourself, share like your name, where you’re from, where we currently live, and what you do for work.
[00:00:21] MAU: This is Marybelle Utter. Um, I was born in the Philippines in Cavite City.
Uh, we have lived in Virginia for, oh, my goodness, a long, long time, like, since the 70s, and I work for a private company in government contracting doing, um, Finance, I’m a finance analyst.
[00:00:53] Kelsey Utter: Nice. And what do you like to do in your free time, [00:01:00] mom?
[00:01:04] MAU: * Laughs*
[00:01:04] Kelsey Utter: We just want to know more about you!
[00:01:08] MAU: I like to spend time with my friends, my girlfriends, my neighbors. Um, and we just chill. Over a nice bottle of wine. That’s, I used to do I used to do before you guys were born, uh, scrapbooking. Um, I played volleyball.
[00:01:35] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, there’s a couple of scrapbooks growing up, aren’t there?
[00:01:38] MAU: Yeah. Yes.
[00:01:41] Kelsey Utter: Oh, I want to see those. Okay, next question. When did you move to the United States? Like, how old were you?
[00:01:50] MAU: Uh, we left the Philippines when I was 4, so I’m not going to, I’m not going to tell my age, you can do the math. [00:02:00] But that would have been, um, we’ve been in Virginia, Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Virginia Beach area since the, um, early to mid 70s.
[00:02:14] Kelsey Utter: I kind of have this question a little bit later, but I’ll just kind of bring it up now since we’re talking about it. Okay. So when you guys moved from the Philippines, did you move straight to Norfolk, Virginia area, or did you go somewhere else first?
[00:02:29] MAU: No, we, uh, so your Lolo was, already had his duty station, um, assigned. And, um, we were in California for a little bit.
[00:02:45] Kelsey Utter: Mhm, Where in California?
[00:02:48] MAU: Okay, I don’t really recall, but it was with your Lolo Delio, uh, so I would say L. A. L. A. area.
[00:02:58] Kelsey Utter: Uh huh, okay.. [00:03:00]
[00:03:00] MAU: And we stayed there for a little bit, and then we moved, we made our way to the East Coast. Because I remember we also stayed in Chicago with some friends.
[00:03:16] Kelsey Utter: Chicago?
[00:03:17] MAU: Chicago! With some friends of Um, your Lola and Lolo Delio. So we stayed in, I know it was in the city because there are brownstones and whatnot in Chicago where entire families make up each level. So we were in a three story brownstone or something and…
[00:03:43] Kelsey Utter: was it actually our family or one of those things where we just say they’re our family?
[00:03:48] MAU: They, they weren’t actually family. They were friends. Okay. They were aunties and uncles. Okay, all Filipinos [00:04:00] are, it’s not that we’re related to each other or anything, but out of respect for our parents, friends, all of us. We call them auntie and uncle, okay? Tia and Tio.
[00:04:10] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, that’s a big part of the culture.
[00:04:13] MAU: So we were, so when we were in Chicago, um, I remember that was the first time I experienced peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Classic American dish. And I had that for, I guess, for lunch after the first time. The rest of the time that we were there, that’s all I would eat. So, maybe, maybe that’s why your brother has peanut allergies.
[00:04:43] Kelsey Utter: Maybe, but I mean, I grew up liking peanut butter and jellies too.
[00:04:48] MAU: Yes, but I was more careful with being pregnant with you than with him. I knew my, I knew what, what to do.
[00:04:57] Kelsey Utter: What to do.
[00:04:58] MAU: Yes, yes, [00:05:00] so.
[00:05:03] Kelsey Utter: Okay. Next question. When you moved to the United States, did you already know English?
[00:05:11] MAU: No, we did not. I was four years old. Your Uncle Rod was three. Your Aunt Liz was only a year old. We still spoke Tagalog in the home. Lola and Lolo still spoke that to us, but it was soon after we, um, made friends and, uh, started going to school.
We were finally in Norfolk, you know, by that time, that, uh, playing with friends. You know, and being military, it’s, it’s, it’s such a melting pot and everything in military housing. So,
[00:05:52] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:05:53] MAU: We picked up some English and your grandparents realized [00:06:00] at one point, we were especially your grand, your Lola that, um. We were learning English a lot faster than she was.
[00:06:09] Kelsey Utter: Well, that’s just like how it works psychologically. Children have more of a capacity to learn language than adults do. In the first seven years of life, like, that’s like prime language learning time. So you didn’t think it was difficult to learn English? That was my next question.
[00:06:27] MAU: No, not at all. Not at all. And be, you know, in elementary school and everything, we’d have homework or whatever. And, uh, I don’t know, I forget what, what age, how old I was, what age that we were learning different types of animals, you know, you have those picture books or whatever.
Your Lola couldn’t help out or anything because she didn’t know what a raccoon was.
[00:06:53] Kelsey Utter: *Laughs* Does she know now?
[00:06:58] MAU: Some things she knows, some [00:07:00] things.
[00:07:01] Kelsey Utter: Some things, yeah. She still asks me to name some stuff for her.
[00:07:05] MAU: Not all, because if they don’t have, you know, if he’s not familiar with it, how she grew up and everything, then she, then she would not, she would always ask Lolo, What is that? She would say, “Ano, ano what is that?” in Tagalog.
[00:07:22] Kelsey Utter: Mhm, so Lolo and Lola had more of a hard time learning English?
[00:07:28] MAU: Well, not your Lolo, because he was in the Navy.
[00:07:33] Kelsey Utter: Did he have to learn English to be in the Navy?
[00:07:37] MAU: Yes, I think you’re supposed to know English.
[00:07:39] Kelsey Utter: I think you have to have like a basic, like, communication level.
[00:07:44] MAU: Yes.
[00:07:45] Kelsey Utter: But for Lola it was hard?
[00:07:47] MAU: It was harder, because all her friends were Filipino, Filipina, and they always spoke, you know, Tagalog in their circle.
[00:07:56] Kelsey Utter: Mm hmm.[00:08:00]
I’m learning so much.
[00:08:04] MAU: Are you? I thought we’ve discussed some of these before.
[00:08:07] Kelsey Utter: Some of these, yeah, at like family functions. But some, no.
Okay, let’s see… how were Lolo and Lola growing up? Like, how did they feel about moving to the United States? What did they say about it?
[00:08:23] MAU: I think your Lola is one of the bravest persons that, you know, I know.
[00:08:30] Kelsey Utter: I agree.
[00:08:31] MAU: And you, you know that I, I, the way it is now and everything, helping her and everything, sometimes I, I’m a little short and could be a little curt sometimes. But she, to be able to just, Uh, you know, leave her parents, my grandparents, okay, her family, and you know that she is one of [00:09:00] seven in her family.
[00:09:02] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, and Lolo’s one of five?
[00:09:05] MAU: He’s the oldest of five. Your Lolo is the oldest of five. Your Lola is the third child out of seven. Mm hmm. So I know my grandmother had oth, you know, had other children, but they did not survive, uh, child-, um, Lola’s, my Lola’s pregnancy. So, yeah. Um, I think, I think Lolo Delio had said that they would’ve been 10, but there were other children that didn’t make it. So big families, you know,
[00:09:45] Kelsey Utter: Mhm, how did they feel about moving to the United States? Like, what attitudes were they holding?
[00:09:52] MAU: Well, your Lolo had to because that was his job.
[00:09:56] Kelsey Utter: Right, that’s what motivates him.
[00:09:58] MAU: And so [00:10:00] here’s a story. Okay. I remember your Lola telling me this. Um, she had a boyfriend before your Lola, your Lolo. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
[00:10:11] Kelsey Utter: Mhm, Lola never told me these stories.
[00:10:16] MAU: Oh my goodness. So she, she, um, she had a Novio, you know what that is in Spanish?
[00:10:25] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Boyfriend.
[00:10:26] MAU: Okay. Yes. So, um, but then your Lolo, uh, I don’t know how they, you know, well, they’re from, they’re from nearby towns, provinces in the Philippines.
[00:10:41] Kelsey Utter: Lola and Lolo?
[00:10:42] MAU: Yes.
[00:10:43] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:10:45] MAU: So, I mean, it’s kind of like, um, Kempsville, Chesapeake, you know, close or whatever, even closer than that because it’s the Philippines.
Anyway, um, so Lolo had [00:11:00] come across your Lola, and, um, he asked, um, my grandfather, Lola’s dad, for her hand in marriage.
[00:11:12] Kelsey Utter: Okay. Did he court her?
[00:11:16] MAU: Yes, yes, yes.
[00:11:19] Kelsey Utter: *Gasps* Yeah, wait, Lola did tell me that she was courted by Lolo.
[00:11:23] MAU: Yes, and she didn’t, she didn’t really like him in the beginning.
[00:11:27] Kelsey Utter: What? Why?
[00:11:31] MAU: Because she had a boyfriend, you know?
[00:11:35] Kelsey Utter: Don’t let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband.
[00:11:38] MAU: Well, her boyfriend then, she said, was, um, was, studying to be a doctor.
[00:11:45] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:11:45] MAU: Yeah you know, so, or I don’t know what kind of doctor he was going to be or something.
[00:11:49] Kelsey Utter: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:50] MAU: Do you remember this story now?
[00:11:52] Kelsey Utter: I’m remembering this. This is turning some wheels in my brain.
[00:11:55] MAU: Mhm so, anyway, um, she, [00:12:00] your, the, your great grandfather, um, Lola’s dad, um, had decided she would have a better life if she married Lolo instead of who she was seeing.
[00:12:16] Kelsey Utter: Was Lolo already in the Navy at this point?
[00:12:18] MAU: Yes. Yes. Because he was, you know, he knew, he knew that, uh, from the Philippines, they would be, uh, leaving to go, you know, do their, do their six month deployment or whatever. And so she, to be married and everything, she would have to follow him and all that. So.
[00:12:39] Kelsey Utter: Right.
[00:12:40] MAU: Yeah. You’re going to have to ask your grandmother about this.
[00:12:45] Kelsey Utter: I will when we go to lunch next time.
[00:12:48] MAU: Because a lot of cultures Um, it’s arranged marriages and everything that
[00:12:55] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:12:55] MAU: And I think they were trying to pull that with me, also that never that didn’t fly [00:13:00] because we were too americanized.
[00:13:01] Kelsey Utter: It worked out anyway…
[00:13:02] MAU: Excuse me?
[00:13:05] Kelsey Utter: It worked out for them. They were married 50 some years.
[00:13:08] MAU: Yes, well she learned to you know, she fell in love with Lolo she wasn’t I don’t think and this is just my personal opinion. I don’t think that she was in love with Lolo when they first married you see some of the pictures and it’s but I mean I think that’s typical of most cultures when you know if they don’t really know each other or anything then it’s gonna seem awkward and all that but…
[00:13:34] Kelsey Utter: Yeah but they came to be over time.
[00:13:38] MAU: Yes, yes, but yes, I think it, you know, I kept telling Lola, uh, we wouldn’t be here if you didn’t marry Dad, you know, and I would probably be stuck in the Philippines and, you know, it wouldn’t be me, but what kind of life is, you know, that there are more opportunities here.
[00:13:58] Kelsey Utter: You would still be there, but [00:14:00] then I wouldn’t be here.
[00:14:01] MAU: True, true.
[00:14:03] Kelsey Utter: I would have a totally different life. Yes. I don’t even know what I would be.
[00:14:10] MAU: You might have been Delaney instead of Kelsey, *laughs*.
[00:14:14] Kelsey Utter: My alter ego, Delaney.
[00:14:17] MAU: No, I, I thought of that name when your dad was like, no.
[00:14:22] Kelsey Utter: My friends will ask the question a lot of like, if, if your name wasn’t your name, like, what would it have been? And then I have to tell everyone it’s Delaney.
[00:14:32] MAU: I like Delaney or Taylor but.
[00:14:35] Kelsey Utter: I thought it was Delilah. That’s random.
[00:14:38] MAU: It was Delaney.
[00:14:41] Kelsey Utter: Oh, okay. Next question. How did it feel when you moved away from your family, even though you were four, like, Even growing up, like, not having your grandparents around…
[00:14:53] MAU: Oh, leaving the Philippines?
[00:14:55] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:14:56] MAU: How did I feel? I cried and cried, Kelsey. I cried. [00:15:00] I remember, I remember having the, you know, that your, my grandfather was, you know, we were trying to say goodbye. And my Lolo was a lot older than, than my Lola. Okay?
[00:15:14] Kelsey Utter: Uh huh.
[00:15:15] MAU: Um, so he, I, I remember, um, sitting on his knee, in the store, in the Philippines, your great grandmother, um, had, uh, ran a store at the front of her house, in addition to managing, uh, a rice… excuse me?
[00:15:38] Kelsey Utter: Like a convenience store type?
[00:15:41] MAU: Yes, yes.
[00:15:42] Kelsey Utter: And the rice fields?
[00:15:45] MAU: And the rice fields, yep, yep. Because they own so much land then.
[00:15:51] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Did we make good money from the rice fields?
[00:15:54] MAU: We were, my Lolo and Lola were, were very, very, well not [00:16:00] very, because that’s still manual labor, but they were well to do.
[00:16:06] Kelsey Utter: Lola would always tell me that she was more well off than Lolo.
[00:16:10] MAU: Yes, she had shoes to go to school in, your Lolo did not. My great grand, my great, my, no, my grand uncle, okay? My Lola’s brother was the mayor of his town, he was also an engineer, and his wife, my grand aunt, the person he married, um, was, uh, I think she was an engineer also or something.
[00:16:37] Kelsey Utter: Oh well, because they were able to afford school over there?
[00:16:42] MAU: Go to school, yeah. Yes, the, um, Lola’s brother was, was better off financially in the Philippines, but my Lola did well also running a business and all, you know?
[00:16:58] Kelsey Utter: Mm hmm.
[00:16:59] MAU: [00:17:00] Your Lolo had a hard time. *Chuckles*.
[00:17:02] Kelsey Utter: Yeah I can see that.
[00:17:05] MAU: Yes, they relied on um, fishing to survive.
[00:17:10] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, he told me he climbed coconut trees to get food when I was little.
[00:17:15] MAU: Oh, all your stories with your Lolo growing up is, I mean even even up until you know He passed it was all about food.
[00:17:27] Kelsey Utter: Okay, so it cut off briefly, but we were talking about my Lolo and how everything is centered around food for him. Mom?
[00:17:37] MAU: Okay, so what I was saying was that your Lolo doesn’t really do anything that, uh, does not offer some kind of return. Usually it’s with food. That’s why he likes all you can eat buffets. That’s why he has a garden, you know, anything, everything he did as [00:18:00] a hobby or whatever always resulted in it had to give him something back. Okay. Continuing a fishing gardening. All the persimmon trees and everything, he made money off of that, selling the persimmon and everything.
You’re still very aware of all that your grandmother’s continuing that legacy and all that.
[00:18:26] Kelsey Utter: Yes.
[00:18:26] MAU: So anyway. Because he didn’t have much growing up and everything he made sure, you know.
[00:18:34] Kelsey Utter: Everybody eats.
[00:18:36] MAU: Everybody eats in his adult life and all that is, it’s not worth his time unless it’s gonna, uh, he’s gonna benefit from it. So.
[00:18:45] Kelsey Utter: Lolo always made sure I was fed. We always went to McDonald’s or Chick Fil A.. Well, that’s a Filipino thing.
[00:18:53] MAU: Okay. Another question?
[00:18:57] Kelsey Utter: Next question. Um, [00:19:00] do you feel like you stayed in good contact with your family in the Philippines or our family in California that’s also from the Philippines?
[00:19:10] MAU: Um, we, it’s like having old friends, really, really good friends, and that’s how your cousins are, I think, um, or close family. Even if you haven’t talked to them in a long time, when you do make contact again, you just pick up where you left off last time. Okay, so I think, I think I am closest to, uh, my cousins from, uh, Tito Delio and, you know, all of, um, all my cousins in California. Not so much cousins in the Philippines, though. There’s like, um, Lola Tela’s youngest daughter, Essie. I think I think it all has to do with the language barrier, you know?
[00:19:59] Kelsey Utter: [00:20:00] Yeah, but Tia Essie, she speaks pretty good English, no?
[00:20:04] MAU: She does. She does. But, you know, there’s like yeah, we keep up with, on Facebook and whatever. Your Lolo Delio’s, um, kids had come to visit us a few times and we visited them, you know, growing up, so.
[00:20:22] Kelsey Utter: Yeah mm hmm. What was that like?
[00:20:27] MAU: Excuse me?
[00:20:28] Kelsey Utter: What was that like?
[00:20:30] MAU: Visiting them?
[00:20:32] Kelsey Utter: Visiting them, or having them visit you?
[00:20:35] MAU: Well, they had come to visit before, and, you know, they wanted to see the East Coast. This was in the, in the 70s. Lolo took us, took them crabbing. Um, what is it, again, centered around food and all that, but we would, it’s like a mini vacation when they do come, you know, I mean, I, I know, [00:21:00] like, when, when your Tio Jonathan or anybody else comes down, I’m going to have to take some vacation just to show them around because they do that for us, too, when we, when we’ve gone to visit over there.
[00:21:13] Kelsey Utter: True. When we went to Disneyland.
[00:21:17] MAU: Yes. You know from having visited there, when was it? Five years ago or so? Remember that trip we took?
[00:21:27] Kelsey Utter: To California?
[00:21:29] MAU: Yes.
[00:21:29] Kelsey Utter: We visited California between my summer of 8th and 9th grade, which I think was like 2016. Which is like eight years ago.
[00:21:40] MAU: No, it was not 2016.
[00:21:43] Kelsey Utter: I swear it’s 2016. Maybe it’s 2018.
[00:21:50] MAU: I don’t know. I mean,
[00:21:52] Kelsey Utter: I don’t know one of them, one of the two.
[00:21:56] MAU: But, Larry was 15. You both were not [00:22:00] driving yet.
[00:22:01] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, but I was about to go into high school. I was entering ninth grade.
[00:22:06] MAU: Okay. Okay.
[00:22:08] Kelsey Utter: I remember that, yeah.
[00:22:10] MAU: That was a lot of fun, right?
[00:22:12] Kelsey Utter: Mm hmm.
[00:22:14] MAU: So, I mean, you know how it is when you get together with your cousins. That’s how it is when I get together with my cousins.
[00:22:19] Kelsey Utter: Well, I feel like it’s a little bit different when I get together with my cousins, because I’ve been able to see my cousins a lot more frequently.
[00:22:26] MAU: Mm hmm, yeah.
[00:22:27] Kelsey Utter: I feel like I practically grew up next to Hunter.
[00:22:30] MAU: Yes.
[00:22:30] Kelsey Utter: And Jordan, and Eric, not so much Eric and Lauren, because like, I mostly see them on holidays, but like, Hunter and I have a lot of the same friends and all that.
[00:22:42] MAU: Okay, this interview is about me.
[00:22:47] Kelsey Utter: Sorry, well, it’s like a comparison, because like, yes, you’re the, you’re the immigrant, but now like, I’m the, I don’t know, it’s hard because You moved when you were so [00:23:00] young, so like, you grew up in the American culture too, so like, I don’t know if I’m technically second generation or third, I don’t know.
[00:23:08] MAU: You’re a second generation. I was first generation to go to college.
[00:23:13] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, which we can talk about now since you brought it up.
[00:23:16] MAU: Okay, yup.
[00:23:18] Kelsey Utter: Um, so like, what was that like for you to be the first in the family to go to college?
[00:23:23] MAU: Um, Well, I didn’t get to go where I wanted to go.
[00:23:29] Kelsey Utter: Where did you want to go?
[00:23:31] MAU: Because I wanted to go away.
[00:23:34] Kelsey Utter: Right.
[00:23:34] MAU: Like you, like you did, okay? But one, your Lolo was very strict and didn’t want me going, you know, anywhere out from his sight or anything like that.
[00:23:52] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, do you think he was worried because you’re also his first kid?
[00:23:57] MAU: Yes, that’s one. [00:24:00] But also, you know, I think the primary thing is that we really couldn’t afford to go, you know, pay for room and board along with the tuition and all that.
[00:24:13] Kelsey Utter: Can you specify where you went to school and what you studied?
[00:24:17] MAU: I went to ODU (Old Dominion University), um, and I studied finance.
[00:24:25] Kelsey Utter: Okay.
[00:24:26] MAU: So, at that time, they didn’t have a football team or anything. We had the stadium, but it was like, I don’t want to go to ODU. Who goes? That’s like, uh, TCC (Tidewater Community College) grade 15.
[00:24:42] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:24:43] MAU: You know?
[00:24:44] Kelsey Utter: Mm hmm. To commute there.
[00:24:46] MAU: Yes. Oh, it was, uh, quite challenging because a lot of, it wasn’t just going to school to study. I also had to work.
[00:24:57] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Where were you working at this time? Was it [00:25:00] the Arby’s? The McDonald’s?
[00:25:02] MAU: No. No. I did a work study program and worked for a non profit.
[00:25:09] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:25:11] MAU: So I, I did, um. Have to dress up, I think I work 3, 3 days a week and on weekends. That’s a lot.
[00:25:21] Kelsey Utter: That is a lot. And in Norfolk, that’s like 30 minutes.
[00:25:26] MAU: It was well, to go to school to commute to Norfolk, you know, took a long time and everything, but my job was, um, it was in, it was in Virginia Beach near the Norfolk borders. Yes, I work for, um, the Muscular Dystrophy Association.
[00:25:50] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:25:52] MAU: Did you know that?
[00:25:53] Kelsey Utter: No, and I’ve never heard of that place in Virginia Beach.
[00:25:58] MAU: It’s, it’s, honey, there’s [00:26:00] no place, there’s not a place like that. They had an office, the non profit had an office at an, at an executive office park.
[00:26:08] Kelsey Utter: Well, of course I wouldn’t know that then. Okay, so what would you say your biggest challenge was in college?
[00:26:17] MAU: Um, biggest challenge was, uh, well, there were quite a few challenges and everything. Um, trying to make good grades but working, you know, working many hours was difficult. Okay. Um, I did not graduate with a high GPA or anything, but I, you know, sometimes I feel like I just made it by the skin of my teeth, but I was not, I was not a poor student or anything,
[00:26:48] Kelsey Utter: But you’re certainly really smart.
[00:26:50] MAU: Excuse me?
[00:26:52] Kelsey Utter: You’re certainly really smart. So
[00:26:56] MAU: *Laughs* not, not, not in math. My [00:27:00] challenge was, uh, what did, what were we doing? And I have…
[00:27:04] Kelsey Utter: What? You’re a finance major.
[00:27:06] MAU: Was not accounting math. It was like we were doing, um, you know, in high school, you just keep, if you’re doing well, you just go to the next level math, the next level math and everything.
[00:27:20] Kelsey Utter: Well, I was bad at math, so I did not progress that far.
[00:27:24] MAU: I was doing, um, uh, I did fine in statistics, uh, but then it was in, I forget what, what class.
[00:27:38] Kelsey Utter: Algebra?
[00:27:39] MAU: Nope, it’s No, algebra was, I did well in algebra. This is in college. Math analysis.
[00:27:47] Kelsey Utter: Oh
[00:27:48] MAU: Pre calc, analysis, that kind of thing.
[00:27:51] Kelsey Utter: Business analytics or something.
[00:27:54] MAU: Yes.
[00:27:55] Kelsey Utter: We have a class like that at JMU.
[00:27:59] MAU: So, [00:28:00] yeah, it was trying to maintain good grades was, was my biggest challenge.
[00:28:04] Kelsey Utter: Mhm, and what did you learn overall from your time in college? What were your big takeaways?
[00:28:14] MAU: Well, at first, when I went to college, I thought this is nothing. This is like, this is grade 13.
[00:28:20] Kelsey Utter: Right. Well, that’s just freshman year.
[00:28:23] MAU: That was freshman year. Yep. But it was closer to, you know, when you get to your higher level courses and everything, and they want you to declare a major. It was like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was, um,
[00:28:38] Kelsey Utter: Well did you come in declaring a major?
[00:28:41] MAU: I did. I was general studies
[00:28:44] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:28:44] MAU: And, um, yes, because I didn’t know what to do. I, you know, I wasn’t particularly good at whatever, but I, I, after, you know, going through classes and trying to, when they say, you have to declare by and they give you [00:29:00] a deadline and everything, I knew I needed to find something and within my general studies and all that.
[00:29:08] Kelsey Utter: Mhm
[00:29:10] MAU: And I knew it was going to be business because then you had five concentrations you could focus on. And the 1 and I chose finance, because I knew I would be able to get a job anywhere. I had already done marketing. I already focused on marketing when I did, um, when I was working for a nonprofit. And that’s, that’s a lot of schmoozing and, you know, networking and trying to, you know, get people to, to, you know, focus on whatever you’re trying to sell. And I didn’t feel like that was my true self, so.
[00:29:51] Kelsey Utter: Mm-hmm.
[00:29:52] MAU: Management is like, that was too general for me, and I just knew if I did accounting, I [00:30:00] could go into all different areas of accounting anywhere and have jobs.
[00:30:06] Kelsey Utter: That’s true, well, you made a good decision.
[00:30:10] MAU: Yeah, and I made, I think I got my foot in the door in government contracting work because when I was went through a temp agency.
[00:30:23] Kelsey Utter: What is that?
[00:30:24] MAU: That was the way I, I found jobs was to go through a temp agency.
[00:30:29] Kelsey Utter: I don’t know what that is, a temp agency.
[00:30:31] MAU: Um, it’s, it’s a job, a, it’s a temp. You’re not, companies go through temp agencies if they can’t really hire you full time…
[00:30:42] Kelsey Utter: Like a job recruiter?
[00:30:44] MAU: Yes, a job recruiter, but you go through a probationary period to see if you will work out for their company. Like, you work for 90 days and see if you’re a good fit with their, with their, um, excuse me, you know, if you’re a [00:31:00] good fit with their environment, their work environment so,
[00:31:08] Kelsey Utter: I didn’t know that.
[00:31:10] MAU: All during college, at the time, and your professor is going to get a kick out of this, I had taken some classes also, um, outside of regular college, just to, um, well, this was even before college come to think of it, because I can type pretty fast, your Lolo kept saying, you know, because he had done this in, in, um, in the Navy, back, back then, back in the day, it was being a key punch operator. *Laughs*.
[00:31:43] Kelsey Utter: To like, type stuff down?
[00:31:46] MAU: Yes, yes.
[00:31:48] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:31:49] MAU: Yes, you’re just doing data entry, basically, on a key punch. And I could, you know, as fast as I could type, I could, you know, yield a lot [00:32:00] of cards. So, yeah, but that was that that was old technology, even when he had said that.
[00:32:11] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, I’ve never heard of that before. Um, we’re going to do 1 more question.
[00:32:21] MAU: Okay.
[00:32:22] Kelsey Utter: We can do a couple more questions. Do you think your connection to the military, like, growing up with Lola and Lolo, Lolo and the Navy, do you think that made the transition, like, to moving to the United States easier or harder?
[00:32:40] MAU: Speaking for me?
[00:32:41] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Well, this is all your perspective.
[00:32:43] MAU: I had no choice. I was four years old when we left.
[00:32:49] Kelsey Utter: But, like, you had friends at school who, like, weren’t in the military?
[00:32:57] MAU: Not in elementary school because we lived in [00:33:00] Navy housing. We were all military brats. It wasn’t until I moved to Virginia Beach in 1976, okay that we went to uh, you know, that Lolo was finally becoming a homeowner and everything. And, and, you know, we weren’t in housing that, uh, we were, uh, finally out amongst the masses. Okay. Now I grew up very shy. Very shy, surprisingly.
[00:33:33] Kelsey Utter: *Laughs* That is surprising.
[00:33:36] MAU: It is, it is. Because, you know, Lolo, the way Lolo and Lola were, okay, Lolo is very strict. I’m here…
[00:33:46] Kelsey Utter: and Lola is…
[00:33:48] MAU: Quite reserved. And, you know, each time I’m growing up, maturing, uh, he didn’t like that, okay. Filipino, uh, Filipino women [00:34:00] are, I’m going to say demure, uh, reserved, and, um, subservient, subservient. And I was a rebel about that because it never made sense to me being the oldest that I was restricted from doing a lot of things, and your Uncle Rod, because he’s a boy, had certain privileges or could do things that, you know, I couldn’t even think about. So, um,
[00:34:31] Kelsey Utter: Right.
[00:34:32] MAU: I couldn’t play sports because girls didn’t, plus it cost money and everything.
[00:34:38] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, but Uncle Rod got to play baseball,
[00:34:41] MAU: But got to play baseball now, aunt Liz, because, you know, it came naturally for her, they, you know, and that’s why she got a scholarship going to college and everything.
[00:34:51] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Because they put her in field hockey.
[00:34:54] MAU: Yep, well, she got to, there weren’t as many restrictions on her [00:35:00] being younger. It was being the youngest, you know, your older siblings have already run through the gambit with the parents and everything, so they’re a little bit more, um, um, what’s the word I’m trying to say?
[00:35:13] Kelsey Utter: Relaxed?
[00:35:14] MAU: Relaxed. I think you’ve seen some of the pictures of me and your Aunt Liz. I was a lot. I’m the same height I was then and Aunt Liz was maybe like, uh, a foot or two a foot, a foot and a half shorter and everything. And her being a tomboy.
[00:35:29] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:35:31] MAU: I was the cute one,
[00:35:33] Kelsey Utter: Bro.
[00:35:34] MAU: Bro *laughs*. Your Lolo did not like that. Okay?
[00:35:39] Kelsey Utter: Mm-hmm . For you to be, for you to want to do more?
[00:35:45] MAU: Well, and also, he knew that that, you know. He knew what boys thought and everything.
[00:35:53] Kelsey Utter: Oh, boo.
[00:35:55] MAU: Boo. Well, you know about all that, too.
[00:35:57] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Yeah. [00:36:00] Okay. One more question, mommy. Have you ever been back to visit the Philippines?
[00:36:07] MAU: Yes, I went when I was, um, when I was 15. I went twice. I’ve been back. I’ve been back twice. Um, I went with Lolo Delio. And then I went back while I was in college. Um to have my wedding gown made with my first marriage.
[00:36:39] Kelsey Utter: You had it made over there?
[00:36:41] MAU: Yes.
[00:36:43] Kelsey Utter: You can’t wear that again.
[00:36:45] MAU: No.
[00:36:46] Kelsey Utter: Can I wear it? Do you still have it?
[00:36:50] MAU: Um no, I don’t. I don’t. I don’t think so.
[00:36:56] Kelsey Utter: Bro no way! Well, was it like a traditional Filipino [00:37:00] marriage dress?
[00:37:02] MAU: Um, all I did was go through wedding books and say, I want my, I want it to look like this. And they did the best they could to make it look like that, but it wasn’t what exactly was in the picture, you know?
[00:37:15] Kelsey Utter: Right. I’m going to include a picture in my interview of what Traditional Filipina wedding gowns look like, but have like the big puffy sleeves.
[00:37:25] MAU: It wasn’t that. Mine was not that at all.
[00:37:28] Kelsey Utter: Really?
[00:37:28] MAU: No.
[00:37:28] Kelsey Utter: Not like Lola’s?
[00:37:30] MAU: No. Mine was not like that. Mine was more Americanized. Okay? That’s the, the same, the style of that era was mine. You can send a picture of Lola’s wedding.
[00:37:44] Kelsey Utter: Maybe I will. I might have to get consent for that. It’s going to be difficult to get consent from Lola, like, written, written consent.
[00:37:57] MAU: I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, you know
[00:37:59] Kelsey Utter: [00:38:00] no, I don’t think she would. But, well, I put a picture of Lolo in a presentation I did earlier this semester for this class so they’ve seen a little bit of our family. Um, so what was it like when you went with Lolo Delio?
[00:38:18] MAU: They all knew that I wasn’t from the area. I was too Americanized and they thought I was snobby. You know how they just say, oh, she’s so and so’s, um, niece, or she’s, she’s, uh, Belen’s granddaughter, you know. I mean, I didn’t even bring, um, My nice, nice clothes, because I knew I was going to be doing a lot of walking, but you know..
[00:38:46] Kelsey Utter: A lot of sweating!
[00:38:47] MAU: Go to church, a lot of, yes, so I brought sundresses and I brought the worst shoes, um, my, my most, uh, worn, not worn, what’s [00:39:00] the word, the one that I use the most at the time, high heels or dress shoes to go to church in, that I didn’t mind if I, you know, had to leave it, I would, because it’s very dusty there.
[00:39:14] Kelsey Utter: Mm hmm. You guys just hung out with family there?
[00:39:18] MAU: Oh yeah, oh yeah. So your Lolo Delio, he, a lot of his high school friends are pretty, uh, prominent in the, back in the Philippines. He has one that’s a general. And I remember going to, going with Lola Delio, uh, visiting, and it didn’t occur to me until afterwards that, uh, you know, having to go through the mountains and everything, you know, it’s. He was, um, and you know how you take your shoes off when you go in the house?
[00:39:49] Kelsey Utter: Yes.
[00:39:51] MAU: So we went into his high school friend’s house and there are other soldiers around. Yep. [00:40:00] So they, they were trying to make sure that, uh, you know, everything was okay and that the militia, uh, guerrilla warfare, all that, that was going on at the time. That’s it. Like I said, I was completely oblivious to what was going on, but I walked in, took my shoes off, and behind the door, there are Uzis. So, I was like, okay, I’m well protected, but I just went on like that was normal, you know?
[00:40:33] Kelsey Utter: Yeah.
[00:40:38] MAU: While I was there also, your, my Lola’s brother, uh, and she would be, my gosh, she’s my aunt, and she was a lot younger than me. She turned 16. She had a Cortillion while we were there.
[00:40:59] Kelsey Utter: Oh.
[00:40:59] MAU: You [00:41:00] know what a Cortillion is?
[00:41:01] Kelsey Utter: Like, a sweet 16, kind of.
[00:41:03] MAU: Like a quinceañero. Yeah. So, you know, we attended that.
[00:41:10] Kelsey Utter: Or like a debut?
[00:41:12] MAU: A debut! Yes, it is a debut. It is a debut. So she, she turned 16. She had her dress made, traditional Filipino wear. She had a three tiered cake. It was almost like a wedding. Oh my goodness.
[00:41:27] Kelsey Utter: This is when she turned how old?
[00:41:30] MAU: 16.
[00:41:31] Kelsey Utter: 16? I thought we did them at 18.
[00:41:35] MAU: No. I don’t think, I think it was 16, honey.
[00:41:39] Kelsey Utter: I thought, uh, I don’t know.
[00:41:40] MAU: Well, maybe, maybe, you’re gonna have to read up on that. I don’t, I don’t know.
[00:41:44] Kelsey Utter: I thought, I thought debuts were traditionally 18, or at least in the United States, I’ve seen, like, debuts are when the girl turns 18.
[00:41:54] MAU: It’s similar to a Sweet 16, honey.
[00:41:57] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, I said that, yeah.
[00:41:59] MAU: [00:42:00] Okay.
[00:42:00] Kelsey Utter: Um, the final question is just an open ended question. Is there anything else that you would like to share that you think we didn’t cover? It can be anything or it can be nothing.
[00:42:12] MAU: Do you want to talk about your dad?
[00:42:19] Kelsey Utter: Well, this is more your side of the family. I had another project. Um, that was due around this time for this class that I did about Opa and Oma.
[00:42:31] MAU: Okay. So, okay. Um,
[00:42:32] Kelsey Utter: I talked about them there.
[00:42:35] MAU: Um, what did I wanna say?.. Okay. Growing up under your grandfather and everything and knowing that the traditions the way they are. Strict, women were subservient and all that. I knew, you know, growing up and coming out of college and everything. I’m not going to be like that. I’m, and that’s why I tell you to, you know, [00:43:00] you are stronger than that.
[00:43:01] Kelsey Utter: A strong, independent woman.
[00:43:03] MAU: Yes, rise above whatever comes your way and everything. Don’t be afraid. Just go, you know, tackle whatever issues head on. And because I, as much as I said that your Lola was a strong woman and everything, there are a lot of things that she didn’t do. Like she didn’t drive in the Philippines. She had to learn how to drive here. And even then, she’s afraid. And me, I always thought I’m not going to be like that.
[00:43:36] Kelsey Utter: She’s afraid of a lot of things: travelling, being alone.
[00:43:41] MAU: Well, that comes with age, honey, because you have, you’re limited to, you know.
[00:43:47] Kelsey Utter: Yeah, oh.
[00:43:47] MAU: But there, there are a lot of things. It’s like, I’m not going to be like that. Um, I’m going to make my own money. She made her own money too, but it’s like, I’m not going to rely on, you know. So knowing, you know, the way [00:44:00] Filipinos were, they’re not like that anymore. I mean, those that still, um, are older, you know, old school and whatever, they, they have those expectations, and it’s not mine.
It’s not for you and everything. That’s why we have given you and your brother a little bit more, you know, a lot more freedom and a lot more opportunities and everything, and that’s why our expectations with the both of you. And it’s always with every Filipino what we want, well, with anybody, you want your children to do better than you are doing, that you have done, you know?
[00:44:40] Kelsey Utter: That’s so true. That’s what we talked about in class.
[00:44:43] MAU: Yes. So, uh, and I mean, I know your grandparents did everything they could, their, their best for me, uh, your uncle and your aunt growing up and everything. But there’s a lot of things that they also weren’t involved in that, you know, [00:45:00] that we were involved in your academic life and everything else like that.
[00:45:05] Kelsey Utter: Yes, that’s very true.
[00:45:07] MAU: Yep, so that’s all I really have to say about that in terms of the culture and whatever, but it’s not really just with Filipinos. It’s a lot of um, Asian, you know, cultures, Hispanic cultures have that expectation also. Your education comes first.
[00:45:28] Kelsey Utter: Yeah. Especially as the new generation comes in.
[00:45:32] MAU: That’s why I said that’s your primary focus. You don’t have anything else to worry about. Get that done. Get that out of the way.
[00:45:41] Kelsey Utter: No, I do not.
[00:45:42] MAU: Yep. You always, around that, you’ll always have family and your faith so.
[00:45:48] Kelsey Utter: Very true. Okay. Thank you so much for interviewing with me, Mommy. I really appreciate it.
[00:45:54] MAU: And you’ve learned a lot too, right?
[00:45:56] Kelsey Utter: I have learned a lot about our family and about you and your [00:46:00] life and where I come from and where I’m going.
[00:46:03] MAU: Okay, good.
[00:46:04] Kelsey Utter: And for that, I’m grateful.
[00:46:06] MAU: Very good.
[00:46:07] Kelsey Utter: Let me go ahead and stop the recording. Okay.
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