Interview with M.D., Stay-at-Home Mom Reentering the Workplace, History 150 Honors Spring 2021, Conducted by Katie Dorey, March 7, 2021.

Overview of Interview:

This interview was conducted with my mother, MD, on her experience as a stay-at-home mom reentering the workplace. We discussed what went into the decision to stay home rather than continuing to work. Finances definitely played a role as my parents were making significantly different amounts by the time they started having children, despite the fact they started out making the same. Women in almost every occupation experience a wage gap. Correspondingly, more women accommodate caregiving which means they are working fewer hours, making less money and have fewer benefits than their male counterparts. Because of this, it is also more difficult to advance in the workplace. We also discussed the difficulties of reentering the workplace after leaving for childcare reasons. Many women have difficulty getting jobs because hiring managers see the gap on their resume from when they were at home and don’t necessarily give them credit for the important work they did outside of the workforce. We also briefly discussed our time overseas, specifically in India, and how the culture is different in the way that it is extremely common for middle class families to have help around the house like maids and nannies. This causes different expectations for women and childcare compared to mothers in the United States. At the end of the interview, MD mentioned how the roles have changed with her husband since he has retired and she has continued to work. This is my mother’s unique story that brings light to the experience of many mothers in the United States.

Biography:

My mother moved around a lot as a child because of her father’s work in foreign service. She was born in Germany and she lived in Monrovia and Syria. She moved back to the states for high school and attended college at William and Mary. She received a Bachelor’s Degree in Biology. Between school and her first career position, she did temp jobs and internships including about two years in Hawaii working with wildlife conservation organizations. She started working at Northrop Grumman as a secretary and she moved up to being a technical writer. At this point, she met my father who also worked in foreign service. She continued to work until her oldest daughter started having health issues. She had two more daughters while she continued to work here and there, but eventually it became too difficult. This is also when we started moving around; we lived in India, Turkey, and Greece. She had a few jobs overseas but obviously nothing long term. When we moved back to the states, she got a part time job and juggled taking care of us, working, cooking, cleaning, etc. She is now working as an Accounts Receivable Specialist at Architectural Woodwork Institute.

 

K.D. 0:01  

Hi, Mom, thank you for coming to interview with me. Would you like to introduce yourself real quick?

M.D. 0:06  

Yes, I am Katie’s mom, as she said, and a mother of three daughters. And I think we’re going to talk today about working and motherhood. And also, one unusual thing about our family is we’ve lived overseas periodically. So I’m ready for your questions.

K.D. 0:31  

So you also lived overseas as a child, how was that experience? And was that something that you knew you wanted to do as an adult as well?

M.D. 0:41  

As a child, I enjoyed living overseas, it was, I was only old enough to remember one of our posts in Syria, the other, I was pretty young. And yeah, it was a very tight knit community. There was an American school, and we had lots of friends, the Marines would have movie night. So we were all very close, I could walk to the school. But, and as an adult, I think I did always have an idea that I wanted to travel and, you know, enjoyed seeing other cultures. That was probably something that drew me to my husband, who also had grown up living overseas some, so we did have an idea that we wanted to do that. It does, it was good. Also, later on, you know, a good experience. But it’s much harder when you’re the mom taking everyone overseas.

K.D. 1:43  

And so you went to school at William and Mary, and you got your bachelor’s in biology. Did you know that you were going to become a stay at home mom? Or what was that like?

M.D. 1:55  

Um, I don’t think I plan to be a stay at home mom, I’m not sure I’d really thought it through. And biology turned out to be perhaps not the best choice for me. It was much harder, the sciences in college for me than in high school. And I actually enjoyed all my philosophy and English writing classes more, which was, ended up being what I did do for a while as my career was technical writing. So I wish I had changed in college. 

K.D. 2:37  

So you decided to become a stay at home mom, what was like the final decision that made you become a stay at home mom?

M.D.  2:44  

Well, I worked. So I worked in my 20s. And then I worked after I was married. When I had my first daughter, I had maternity leave, and I planned to go back, I thought, I thought I had worked it out with family that they would watch her while I was at work. And then that fell through somewhat. So childcare was a big issue trying to find someone to take care of. And then also later on, she started having some health issues, which made it easier for me to be at home. And at some point, I was only working part time trying to make it worthwhile financially to stay home. I mean, only, you know, work only part time I was paying more for childcare than I was making so, so it seemed like a good idea to and I had a husband that traveled a lot. So really, I was the sole caretaker a lot of the time.

K.D. 3:45  

Did you feel any outside pressure to take a few years off of work? Like compared to dad? Like as a mother, do you think there was more pressure?

M.D. 3:56  

Yeah, I think um, you know, generally I know that’s not always the case. But generally childcare tended to fall on the woman more so than the man. And you know, if there was a doctor’s appointment or a school thing, that would be my [responsiblity]. In his career at that point, we started off making about the same amount when we got married, but uh, but at that point he was making more so financially it made sense to, to do that.

K.D. 4:27  

What was the transition to becoming a stay at home mom, like, was it isolating at times? Or?

M.D.  4:34  

Yes, it was very hard in the beginning because I didn’t know anybody else that was at home at that time with their kids. And until it was, it was not for maybe six months in that I happened to meet a moms club group at a library I’d gone to the session and that was just fabulous because then I had people to socialize with and my daughter had people to socialize with. And then as you guys got older, it was easier because we had school we had you know, you had preschool, we started to meet people that way. So it all became easier to do.

K.D. 5:18  

Did you face any difficulties overseas with us as a single mom? I mean, as a stay at home mom, while dad was away on trips?

M.D. 5:28  

Yeah, periodically. It was, it was tough. But sometimes it was easier overseas. Because, you know, for instance, in India, we had a lot of staff and the cultural norm there is to have an Ayah [Indian nanny], to have a cook, we had a driver, I mean, we just, and that was the way they did it. I remember I did work in India for a period of time at the Embassy in the science office, and one of the Indian women I worked with, she had a daughter who was living in America. And I remember her saying, how just, how did they expect these women to do it all and cook and clean and take care of the kids and work and I had to agree with her. It is difficult in America, a lot of countries don’t force the woman to do all of it.

K.D. 6:20  

So we lived overseas for about six years, and then we came back and you decided to go back to work? What difficulties did you face when you decided to re enter the workplace?

M.D. 6:31  

Well, it was hard to find something after having been out, you know, not working for a long time. Yeah, technical writing is one of those fields where you have to really be current. And so it had been many years at that point. And, and in the beginning, I still had one in part time kindergarten, I didn’t have that much time, unless I got childcare again. So I was able to get a job, working from home, doing some editing on these voice scripts. So that worked out for a few years, while you guys were still pretty young.

K.D. 7:11  

Do you feel that you were treated differently as a mother in the workplace? Versus before you were a mother?

M.D. 7:18  

Well, maybe in some ways, I think my employers were, you know, generally very accommodating, if I needed to, you know, emergency go to get you guys or whatever, or a sick day. But if, you know, when you’re on that kind of a track, and you can’t put in the extra hours like another person can, it’s not like you really progress up the, you know, up the chain.

K.D. 7:47  

But you feel that they were understanding about the fact that you had other priorities?

M.D. 7:52  

Yes, for the most part, I worked for a law office at one point, and occasionally that was a little difficult, you know, they, they had to be pretty strict about meetings and times and dates. And just because of the courthouse.

K.D. 8:13  

How did you feel your roles changed at home when you went back to work? Especially when you started doing more hours?

M.D. 8:21  

Um, I guess, you know, at that point, you guys were a little older and, and I did ask you for help more, especially if dad was away. And I’ve been lucky that my husband has always been helpful. And as far as chores as much as he could, he just was gone a lot. So um, it really didn’t, my role didn’t change that much. Until, honestly, just recently, he retired a few months back, and I’m still working. And he has taken over pretty much most of the cooking and, and shopping and everything so we’re in a new, a new era.

K.D. 9:06  

Is there anything else that you wish that you had done differently regarding your career path?

M.D. 9:13  

I do wish I had kept a foot in the door as far as working, even when it didn’t make financial sense, perhaps to just keep working a little bit, a few hours here and there, so that I could sort of maintain a career path. But on the other hand, I would not trade all you know the time that I did get to stay home with my daughters, while they, because it was so fleeting. And also the time that we had overseas. That was just such a great experience. I’m glad that we had that.

K.D. 9:49  

Well thank you for interviewing with me today. It was very good to hear your insight on being a working mom.

M.D. 9:55  

Thank you. It’s nice talking to you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Research:

Gender was the main theme covered in this interview, specifically looking at the experience of stay at home mothers reentering the workplace. I researched to see how gender affects a parent’s experience in the workplace. I found that working mothers generally have the stereotype of being less agentic and more communal. Studies from Mothers and Fathers in the Workplace: How Gender and Parental Status Influence Judgments of Job‐Related Competence also showed that employed fathers were perceived as being better parents than employed mothers which derives from the differing expectations between both parents. Generally, mothers are expected to provide more care for the children where men are expected to be working. I also looked into different types of gender discrimination and how it presents itself in the workplace. The article, Gender Discrimination at Work by Donna Bobbitt-Zeher discusses the more obvious forms of discrimination like wage disparity and occupational sex segregation as well as the less documented forms within hiring and promotions. The article also mentions that one reason that these issues persist is the idea that men can feel threatened with the increasing presence of women and strive to preserve their privilege. This research gives context to gender roles in society. The interview I conducted documents my mother’s personal experience but historical contextualization shows how these shared experiences relate to a theme of social change.

Bleiweis, Robin. “Quick Facts About the Gender Wage Gap.” Center for American Progress, www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/reports/2020/03/24/482141/quick-facts-gender-wage-gap/.

Bobbitt-Zeher, Donna. Gender Discrimination at Work: CONNECTING Gender Stereotypes, Institutional Policies, and Gender Composition of Workplace – DONNA Bobbitt-Zeher, 2011. journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0891243211424741. 

Fuegen, Kathleen, et al. Mothers and Fathers in the Workplace: How Gender and Parental Status Influence Judgments of Job‐Related Competence. 8 Nov. 2004, spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.0022-4537.2004.00383.x.

 

I shared the edited transcript with my mother on March 22 and she thought that it looked good for the most part. There were a few minor edits of places where both Otter.ai and myself misheard a word or so of her responses. I made those small changes and she approved the transcript to be posted.

This interview took place over Zoom using the built in record function. No edits were made to the audio. The transcription was made using Otter.ai followed with additional manual editing as needed.

Otter.ai was a very helpful tool in making the transcription and required minor additional editing. I had to listen back to recording with the transcript to fix some small issues where Otter.ai had transcribed incorrectly. One example was when my mother referenced an ‘ayah’, the name for a nanny in India, Otter.ai incorrectly transcribed this as an ‘idea’. I also added clarification to ‘ayah’ since this word is not general knowledge. I used brackets to describe the meaning of this word in context. For the most part, Otter.ai did not include filler words like ‘um’ and I chose to leave them out because I don’t feel that they would have added anything to the interview. On the other hand, there were some repeated words like ‘so, so’ and subordinate clauses that I decided to leave in. When we have conversations, we naturally use imperfect grammar so I saw no reason to edit this out of the transcript unless it took away from the interview’s clarity.