a. Sneh Talwar Interview, History 150 Spring 2017, Conducted by Madison Pope, Being a Indian in America, March 19, 2017.
b. This interview was conducted on Skype, and it was recorded with a program called Evaer. Because the interview was on Skype, I was in my room at the time of the interview. To avoid distractions, I had my door shut, and told my roommates to not come near my room until I was finished. There are no edits made to this interview. Other than someone calling her on Skype near the end of the recording, there were no interruptions.
c. My interviewee’s name is Sneh Talwar, 18. She was born and raised in Virginia and is currently going to school at George Mason University, pursuing a bachelor’s degree in computer science. Both of her parents were born and raised in India, but due to a dispute within the family, her parents and older brother, now 28, moved from India to Virginia, a process that took 4 years to happen. But while she was not born in India, she has visited many times. Her family is very religious, but she does not consider herself to be religious. Even so, she still practices Hindu traditions with her family.
d. With the new generations, Indian traditions are not held onto as tightly as older generations might hope they’d be. Western culture is beginning to change the ideas and traditions as depicted in the lives of the younger generations, and while older generations might not agree with how things are changing, the younger generations are transforming traditions. One changing tradition is the tradition of dating and marriage. Those who are getting married have a chance to pick a partner who is approved by their parents, and sometimes these marriage partners aren’t even picked by their parents. Another topic that is changing with the times is gender roles. Women and girls are starting to gain more opportunities outside of the home; the home being somewhere they were thought to exclusively belong.
- “That India Culture Today is Like”. India in Your Home. 2014. Web. 26 March 2017. http://www.india-in-your-home.com/India-Culture-Today.html
- “Changing Values In Indian Culture”. Our Education Blog. 3 March 2017. Web. 26 March 2017. https://blog.oureducation.in/changing-values-in-indian-culture/
e. Transcript:
Madison Pope: This is Madison Pope and I will be interviewing my friend Sneh Talwar. Could you tell me a little bit about yourself?
Sneh Talwar: Hi. I’m Sneh. I grew up in Leesburg in Northern Virginia and right now I’m going to George Mason University. I’m a computer science major and I’m Indian, obviously. My parents were from India so it was different when they grew up here, but when they came over here because I was not [from India], I grew up here. So it was very different and yeah.
MP: So obviously, you weren’t born in India you were born here and your parents were born in India. Do you know why they left India?
ST: Uh, yeah [laughs]. It’s a bit of a weird situation. But, when my mom joined my dad’s family, my dad’s sister and mother really, like, didn’t treat her very well, like at all, so they would just be like really nasty towards her and, like, say things about her. My mom is a very good person [laughs] and I don’t know why they did that, and they still have problems, even now. It’s bad. But that’s like, that’s like why they left. Obviously my dad didn’t want to but my mom was like really sad and everybody, you know, was mean to her over there. Except my dad’s dad but that’s a whole different story. So, yeah. And then they left and came over here
MP: Okay. Do you know hard it was for them to like immigrate from India to the United States?
ST: Yeah, it was awful. So my mom… Okay well my brother was born there, right? And when they came over here, only my dad could come at first. So, he came over here and then he was working like 3 jobs at once or something and my mom and my brother couldn’t come over for like 4 years. They were separated for four years while they were trying to move over here. So obviously it was like really like stressful and stuff but they did it, eventually, and now they’re all over here. Yeah
MP: Well that’s good
ST: Yeah.
MP: So, can you describe what it was like to like live in and grow up in an Indian home?
ST: Yes. It was very different from all my friends who were mostly white, because, you know, Northern Virginia [laughs] and let’s see a lot of a lot of the time, especially when I was younger. I was definitely treated differently like just you know outside of my house. But inside of my house, like [trails off]
MP: It’s okay
ST: [laughs]
MP: Do you want me to move on to a different question? Yeah?
ST: Oh my God I just completely blanked.
MP: It’s okay, it’s okay. Okay so we can talk about how you’ve been to India before, right?
ST: How I’ve been what?
MP: You’ve been to India before.
ST: Yeah.
MP: Right. How many times have you been there?
ST: Probably like over 10. Like, I’ve been going since I was little.
MP: Okay. Do you go once a year? Like, just whenever you want to?
ST: It used to be a lot more frequent than it is now. [unintelligible] maybe like once every two or three years but then a couple years ago, we stopped going just because you know we had stuff to do over here and it was really hard to get over there. Now it’s about once every year. My dad usually goes in the winter because, like, right after Christmas break because that’s when his work, you know, isn’t as hectic and he can go and see his mom and stuff. And then my mom has been going more frequently because her parents are also getting old. But I usually go, yeah probably once every three years just because you know I have college and stuff.
MP: Okay so what is it like there? And like what are some family and school expectations that you’ve noticed as you’ve been there?
ST: So, for school mostly, like, it’s a lot harder over there and families are really like, they’re like way more strict about it like even though you know my parents are Indian and they grew up and everything, over there, they’re like 10 times more strict than my parents are and than pretty much anybody, any family that I’ve seen here is. Because over there in high school you have two paths that you can choose from after sophomore year. Which is like the arts path, which includes like psychology and social sciences, or like the science and math path. So that’s like… You kind of have to decide everything a lot faster than we do over here. So, it’s just a lot more strict and a lot more stressful. And then for family there’s a very different dynamic. Because when you get older like, okay let’s say you’re a male. When you marry somebody like the typical thing is for your wife to join your family and you live with, like, your parents. So, like, at my mom’s house, her parents live on the bottom floor and then her brother and his wife and his kids all live on the top two floors. And then, but you know, if you’re a woman then you go join your, like, your husband’s family and from what I’ve seen like mostly, besides my family, you don’t like you keep in contact with your family, obviously, but like not as much as you used to. It’s very different. Yeah. Other than that, like you always have to be with your parents. A really big thing is to not leave you parents when they’re old. You know you’ll have to always take care of them not just put them in a home. Yeah.
MPl: How have you been treated differently because of your ethnicity?
ST: Well, [laughs] so I was bullied throughout 99% of elementary school and most of it was just because of the way I looked. Like, so I, being Indian, I have a lot of hair, like, everywhere and that’s mostly on my face and my arms and I’ve never really cared about my arms. Unlike other people who I saw in elementary school, middle school, high school, all that. But I never really cared about that so it didn’t bother me. But my face, uh, my eyebrows were very thick and I had a uni-brow until like middle school, at the end of middle school when I started taking care of them. And I had a little more than peach fuzz on my upper lip and it was all like really dark and really noticeable and even on my cheeks it’s always been very dark and even a little bit long, but not like a beard but that’s what people would say. It would make me very sad. Other than like appearances because I’m brown and my hair is dark, like, it would just be negative stereotypes that people would say to me, you know, about being Indian. Oh, even sometimes the way I would dress and I don’t know why this made me feel bad, I don’t know why people would think this is a negative thing to say but they would make fun of the Indian things I would wear sometimes. Or like certain events we had at our school and that would just make me feel really different, you know, out of place. And I didn’t have very many friends either. Yeah. That’s most of it in elementary school and stuff. Nowadays, if people say anything I just don’t really care so I have been treated differently otherwise but minor examples would be like whenever my dad goes to this certain Chipotle at the airport, they see that he’s brown and they assume he’s Muslim so they’ll automatically give him black beans instead of pinto beans, because pinto beans have pork in them which I found out some Muslims don’t know which is very important. And, oh my god, my dad’s funny… So stuff like that. Just little things.
MP: Do you feel like you ever have or had any expectations that you had to live up to? Either being Indian or a woman or both?
ST: Yes, so, being a woman, there are certain things that you have to do, what you’re expected to do at home especially, one of them being the typical good Indian wife, which means that you do literally everything for your husband, like everything. Stupid things that they should be doing themselves. Over here, it’s a bit more relaxed, I mean its way more relaxed, but in the beginning, you know, as I was growing up there would be certain things that my mom would tell me I would have to do, and I’d be like that’s dumb. I’m not going to do that. One wonderful example is, well this is a bit different. This isn’t really like an actual [unintelligible] but it’s a thing that a lot of people do over there. And I’ve seen it a little bit over here but not that much. So, whenever a guest comes to your house, like, obviously you ask them if they want anything to eat or drink, that’s normal, but you don’t bring them a glass in your hand. You have to put it on a tray. And I’m like, I’m not a waitress in my house. I’m not going to put it on a tray and give somebody a glass of water. My mom always gets angry at me for that, but that’s a stupid expectation. Another thing is marriage, obviously. So, my brother is twenty-eight and he has a girlfriend and he does not want to get married right now because they don’t know if they’re going to make it. They don’t know if it’s right, right now. He’s the oldest of all of us, all my cousins that are here, who hasn’t gotten married. So as soon as he made it public that he has a girlfriend, all of our relatives, in India and even here, they friended his girlfriend on Facebook and stuff and every time they saw him they’re like, “so when are you getting married?” and he’d be like, well, not yet. That’s a really big one. Like you have to get married really soon, like early twenties, and he’s twenty-eight so you know… Other things would be just, yeah, like what I said before like taking care of your family, dressing modestly is a big one too. Especially when I was growing up. My mom would never let me wear a tank top, even though everybody around me would… She would make me wear them as undershirts. Stuff like that.
MP: Do you have any practices that you follow?
ST: I really had to think about this one, because I’m not very religious. I never have been. But some of them, honestly most of them are only things that I do for my family. So, one of them is called Navarathri, which is basically [where] you fast for two weeks out of the year, for seven to ten days, it kind of depends on households too, and if you’re really religious and stuff. There are certain limitations, like you can’t get a haircut during that time, and you can’t clip your nails during that time…and at the end of it you do a prayer. And so, one of them, I don’t know if this is [unintelligible], but I know for one of them, it’s to worship the little goddesses in your house, like the women, like me. So, if you’re a daughter in your house, then this whole thing would be for you, because you’re looked at as a little goddess in your house, which is cute. And at the end of it, so this one is called Bhog which is where you go to your local temple or something and you give the other little kids there, basically, goodie bags… and you give them Prasad which is, it’s like the offerings that the temple gives you, like almonds or something. And you give an offering to the goddess. That’s basically what you’re doing when you give that to other people. And then the other one… I’m pretty sure it’s to the goddess of Lakshmi, and it’s just to ask for prosperity always, so you worship her. And I know there are more than just the two; I think that there are the two that we do… And another one is Rakhi which honors your brothers, like you cousins and your actual brothers. It is where you, like what you actually do on the day is, you say a certain prayer. It’s really long and I don’t know it so my mom usually does it for me. You tie a string around your brother’s hand, but it’s like a decorative string. It has jewels and stuff on it…It’s supposed to be, like [an] “I love you.” Those are the two big ones. Like I said, I’m not very religious.
MP: So, I remember one time you had mentioned to me that you’re now scared to be Indian in today’s society. Could you, if you’d like to, could you expand upon that?
ST: Yeah. So, like I said before, I was bullied and I was treated differently, but it wasn’t really major. I was lucky enough not to get the “you’re a terrorist” attacks. Like I never got that, maybe like once, but it was stupid and it was in elementary school, but it wasn’t serious. But now, so, after trump got elected and even before that because people were going crazy, there were a lot of hate crimes being done and people would go up to people of color, and just be like you’re going to pay… You hear things going around the United States about people just raising hell for no reason. It’s also scary because of the Muslim ban… and just being even more outcasted. Like, it happens [to me] sometimes, but it’s not major. And when you hear about all these stories you definitely get a little scared. Are people just going to hate me? [Are they going to] try to kill me? Obviously not that extreme, but yeah.
MP: So, last question. Do you think that college, like your college experience, is different because of your ethnicity at all?
ST: A little bit. So, a lot of colleges want more minority groups, obviously, especially in computer science. Being a woman and being an Indian in computer science is really big because they want more women because they have like none, and Indian is just, they just want more Indians because, you know, like, especially over there [in India], the IT and computer science industry is very big so when they come here, it’s like, “oh you’re really good at this. Come join our program.” There’s that. Otherwise not really. Like, of course, some groups are more open to having me in them. Lie of course there’s ISA, which is Indian Student Association, and there’s Women of Color in STEM, [which is] one that I’m in. And that one’s really nice, because I have specific support if I need it. Because being in computer science is difficult, especially as a woman. That’s pretty much it. I wouldn’t say there’s a huge difference.