For my first peer review essay, I have chosen to read What did I learn at private school? They should be abolished and I want to provide the necessary comments for him to improve upon his writing. After reading, I have noticed that Satow’s thesis could use some improvement. He could add some more details as to why private schools should be abolished. Another thing he could add to his essay is add some transition sentences to make his next paragraph transition smooth. What I liked about his essay was that he provided examples of a narrative in his essay. It strengthen his argument about private schools as it allowed the essay have a perspective. Because of this, the audience could feel first hand as to what happens in private schools. Another thing I liked about his essay is that he added supporting evidence to his claims about private schools. His conclusion is strong and it provides the necessary information to correlate back to his thesis.

For the second peer review project, I have chosen Making Decisions When Not Everyone in Your Family Is a Citizen. The podcast starts off really well as it provides reasons as to why many immigrant families are in shock. The podcast also provides credibility of her examples by stating their profession and if they were born in the United States or not. There are some aspects in her speech that could be added to further strengthen her argument. One being to add some type of research or scholarly article about the topic in her podcast. Another thing she could do in her essay is further expand upon each quotation she adds. One last thing I think she could add in her podcast is to state a conclusion at the end and reconnect her thesis to her conclusion. 

 

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