Yesterday we received a timely notice of “alleged sexual assault.” These notices make me so uncomfortable. They seem to “do the right thing” by providing information and visibility around sexual assault on campus. However, when I read them I feel that almost more harm than good comes from them. The message is steeped in language that protects the accused and blames the victim or potential victims. Following the description of the occurrence is this statement:
JMU wants to encourage everyone in the JMU Community to exercise good crime prevention strategies.
• Be wary of anyone who does not respect your boundaries, including boundaries with alcohol.
• Be careful when inviting someone into your home, or going to someone else’s home.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, do what you need to do to get elsewhere. Don’t worry about what others may think or try to be polite so as not to offend others. Your safety is top priority. Be forceful and firm.
• If things start to get out of hand, be loud in protesting, leave, and go for help. Do not wait for things to get better. If it feels uncomfortable, leave quickly.
• If you feel you are being pressured, you probably are, and you need to respond. If a situation feels bad, or you start to get nervous about the way your date is acting, confront the person immediately or leave as quickly as possible.
• Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Always get permission, regardless of how long you have known or dated someone.
• Never assume you know what your partner wants. Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.
• Intoxication is not a legal defense. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not.
Seven of these 8 tips are written for potential victims to avoid getting in the way of assault. The last one may speak to perpetrators, to indicate that intoxication won’t be a good legal defense. But, it also indicates another layer of responsibility for victims – if you get drunk enough to be assaulted, well, that’s on you.
I know I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before 1,0000 times over. But for me this message from our University contributes to an environment of harassment and gender toxicity that I think permeates in really subtle but pervasive ways.
Last week I went with a group of PR students to meet with Public Affairs at the Pentagon. The officers talked about a campaign to reduce sexual assault in the Marine Corps. The woman in charge of the campaign talked about focusing on bystander intervention and the challenge of bringing visibility to the “negative” – of documenting and publicizing events where an assault was prevented by a bystander. She described a blog and social media campaign to encourage enlisted officers to share their stories of intervention and prevention and to continue to find ways to bring visibility to sexual harassment and the very serious commitment by leaders to prevent these actions.
Then, the officer mentioned that the Marine Corps actually has a lower rate of sexual harassment/assault than college campuses (I know we can debate those numbers.) She asked what kinds of campaigns students saw around campus to prevent these occurrences and illustrate administration’s commitment to protect female students. Our students sat quiet. Then one girl said, well there are notices of assault. The Marine Corps officer asked how effective that was or if it inspired action or support or change. The students shook their heads and the girl who had spoken up said – I try not to think about it.